Jaw Clenching; Stomach Aches; Back Pains

(Apologies for the sluggish updating. Hopefully that will change.)

As someone who has a host of health complaints, I often find myself toeing the line between being attentive to my health and body and feeling like a hypochondriac. I don't look sickly. I wouldn't really categorize most of these complaints as illnesses—that word carries a gravity I don't think any of my problems really deserve. At their worst, I consider them to be chronic conditions. They're wholly manageable and they don't usually interfere with my ability to live a pretty solid life.

However, I am a champion worrier. Like the other members of my immediate family, I've been pretty good at worrying my whole life. Combine my insatiable curiosity and my somewhat macabre interest in disease, and suddenly being an anxious person with pre-existing health problems moves a step closer to hypochondria. Where do I draw the line between paying attention to possible symptoms and making a big fat deal out of nothing?

In large part because of my interest in diseases and patient populations, I took a job that requires me to read about health and medicine all day. This means that I sit in front of a computer adding more and more possible conditions to the already crowded catalogue what has been, is now, and could soon be wrong with me. Most of these conditions are pretty preposterous. If any of them really were an issue, they would likely have been picked up by one of the many attentive healthcare professionals I've seen in my life. I probably don't have adult onset ADHD, fructose malabsorption, deep vein thrombosis, or uterine fibroids. Cancers of any variety, which make up the bulk of my research, are also pretty unlikely.

However, all this research does nothing to lessen my already overactive imagination. Often, I give in these hypochondriac impulses before I try and snap myself out of it. In some cases, all it takes is talking to someone else to help me realize how insane I sound. Where I really get into trouble is when my worries are plausible. And then, well, I have a hard time convincing myself I'm wrong.

To Test for Sharks, Of Course

My resilient computer 

Detail of the monitor damage and MacGyvered Solution

As I write this inaugural blog post, I'm accompanied by the mid-range shuddering whine of a computer fan limping slowly towards death.

My boyfriend's said that my computer's been on her last legs for at least two years now. She's cranky about the Creative Suite, she hates that I have—minimum—eight browser tabs open at once, and the monitor is now being held together by strategically placed drawing clips. I've dropped my laptop. I've accidentally poured an entire glass of water into the keyboard. I've had to replace the motherboard, two batteries, a stick of RAM, the trackpad, and the disk drive. The laptop itself is now tethered to a (replaced) power cord because I don't feel like paying the money for a new battery.

When I first got my computer, she was a shiny new MacBook Pro, purchased with money I made by working two jobs the summer after my freshman year of college. Every day I woke up before 6 AM and pulled on one of three blindingly neon-green summer camp staff shirts and a pair of shorts. I then blearily made my way to the run-down golf cart derisively (and affectionately) known as the Putt-Putt and drove the 100 feet to punch the clock at the buildings and grounds office. From there, praying the Putt-Putt would make it up the hill onto the main road, I drove down to the campus pools. I would then clean pools for two hours before racing home only to immediately leave to work as a counselor at the camp whose pools I'd just cleaned.

Admittedly, my work schedule bordered on masochism. Two hours of pool-cleaning followed by 8 hours of screaming children? Cleaning the pools took even more time when one of the cherubs saw fit to shit in the pool the previous day—not to mention the day after three separate pool-defecations. (Question: HOW do you lose control of your bowels in a pool??? Were the kids just abnormally terrified of drowning?) However, being able to demonstrate enough financial independence that I could buy my own computer was a pretty huge deal for me.

Understandably, it's with some amount of regret that I have to say goodbye to my computer. I understand that it's just a (very expensive) machine, but as I back up all of my data onto external hard drives I can't help but feel a small amount of sadness. This may just be a computer, but it was truly and honestly my first computer. I imagine this is something like how it must feel to say goodbye to a first car. The machine starts failing in some very real ways, but in the end something as insignificant as a worn out cooling fan can be the deciding factor in replacing it.